Jack and the Beanstalk: What a Whopper!, Charing Cross Theatre Review
Matthew Baldwin as Dame Dolly Trott. Photo: Steve Gregson
Written by Penny for Theatre and Tonic
Disclaimer: Gifted tickets in exchange for an honest review
Suitable for age 18+
The “adult panto” is becoming a staple in the Christmas season – oh yes it is! Following last year’s offering, Sleeping Beauty Takes a Prick!, the He’s Behind You company returns to the Charing Cross Theatre with a new take on Jack and his unfeasibly large beanstalk (the jokes just write themselves!).
Written by Jon Bradfield and Martin Hooper, this alternative festive show follows the adventures of Jack Trott, a very poor, very gay and very horny young man who lives with his mum on a farm that’s ten miles from the nearest Grindr user!
And, of course, it has so much more to offer than a couple of beanstalk jokes! This version of Jack and the Beanstalk includes a veritable smorgasboard of smut and it hits its stride from the start. Within the first couple of minutes Dale, our fairy/narrator, has introduced the key players in typical panto rhyming tradition, including our villain Lady Fleshcreep who he tells us leads the Boxing Day HUNT … then calling upon the audience to shout out another word that could describe her. Everybody’s already on side and there’s no hesitation, we’ve got the brief!
From then on, the gags come thick and fast (pun intended) – with the inevitable dirty jokes interspersed with plenty of topical and cultural references. It’s bang up to date, covering everything from the Wicked movie to The Traitors. Reform UK, Marcus Rashford and Huw Edwards get a mention and there’s a laugh out loud funny homage to the legend that is Miriam Margolyes in an impression that has absolutely nailed her famously foul mouth. No bodily fluid or sexual activity goes unmentioned – and a skit involving a cow pat is truly gagworthy (and not necessarily in a good way!).
At times, the set pieces did feel a little laboured. The audience was fully on board with warning Dame Trott “Dolly, you’ve a smelly beaver lurking round the back” but it went on a bit too long and the joke wore thin. The call and response with the audience from three characters (Dolly, Jack and Simone) is not necessary and people didn’t seem entirely sure who they should be shouting “Ey Up” to as it happened so often. This would perhaps have been more effective if they’d kept it to Simple Simone. She’s Lady Fleshcreep’s dim witted niece and secretly in love with pretty local girl Alice in a cute sub-plot. Laura Anna-Mead brought an air of innocence to the role in a welcome contrast with all the filth! She presents a sweet and sympathetic character and immediately gets the audience on side with her clumsy charm.
The audience singalong offered some alternative lyrics to The Grand Old Duke of York and while it’s not the funniest or most original take on the song, the joke at the end about Prince Andrew from a “sweaty” Dame Dolly made it worth it!
The original musical numbers, written by Bradfield, are a highlight and I wish there were a couple more. The cast is packed with singing talent and while I couldn’t hear all of the ensemble lyrics, the majority were simple, clear and very funny. Singing about the Giant, Jack offers “There’s a giant man in a giant bed, he’d break my jaw if I gave him head” and continuing along what has become her theme, it’s not hard to guess what word Lady Fleshcreep puts into “Country” in a very entertaining number from our villain and the ensemble. There are nods to classic musicals including Sunset Boulevard and A Chorus Line and a Rodgers and Hammerstein inspired number could be straight out of an adult version of cult Apple TV show Schmigadoon.
The cast members fully embrace the chaos of the show. Strong performances come from Keanu Adolphus Johnson as Jack – he’s got fantastic presence and the relentless jokes are delivered with energy and a knowing smile. Everybody’s rooting for him to get his happy ending with handsome closeted Vicar Tim, played by Joe Grundy in a role that gets so much audience sympathy despite a couple of dodgy choices! Dame Dolly Trott (Matthew Baldwin) also stands out, with some great audience work and the ability to skillfully cover a few opening night mistakes! And Jordan Stamatiadis serves serious Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent as villainous Lady Fleshcreep, in a performance full of dramatic poses and evil laughs. But for me the star of the show is Chris Lane as the fairy Dale. He has fantastic stage presence, great comic timing and holds everything together with ease.
Running at two hours and forty minutes, the show does feel slightly too long and with a bit of tightening up of the script, 15-20 minutes could easily be cut. However, if you’re looking for a panto that’s pure filth with a cast that never fails to rise to the occasion, this take on Jack and the Beanstalk provides a whopping amount of fun!
Jack and the Beanstalk: What a Whopper! Runs at the Charing Cross Theatre until 11th January 2025. Find out more and book here.
★★★★
