Bill Bailey: Thoughtifier, Theatre Royal Haymarket Review
Written by Franco Milazzo for Theatre and Tonic
Disclaimer: Gifted tickets in exchange for an honest review
“This is a song about a crab with regrets. You won’t hear this at a Taylor Swift concert,” says Bill Bailey, sporting a new look without his trademark ponytail. And he’s not wrong. In fact, it’s unlikely that anything from his latest show will be covered by the musical billionaire or any other popstrel. The audience tonight might not even have heard of Swift: there’s more grey hair here than the floor of an Eastbourne barbershop.
Almost all stand-up comedy (as Swifties would say) gives me the ick. Their obvious observations, hammy over-emphases and punchlines which can be seen from Voyager 2 usually leave me looking like an advert for Dignitas. Bailey might spend much of the night being vertical and holding a microphone and making us laugh but, rest assured, he is a very different breed.
Calling him an erudite man seems a little understated. For over two hours, he jumps from subject to subject with consummate ease. Mathematics, geography, physics, biology, ancient Greek and history are all grist to his mill. When not talking about music theory, this one-man orchestra rocks out alone or with his small band on numerous stringed instruments and some high-tech additions. Like a widely-travelled holy roller, he speaks or sings to us fluently in tongues: French, Turkish, Spanish, Uzbek and Dutch. Bailey is less a comedian, more an entire school syllabus.
This time around, he swaggers with pride - as should any winner of BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing - but still has time to tell us of his failures (he shouldn’t be expecting a call from Comedy Central anytime soon) and many, many interactions with his fans and other human beings. At this phase of their career, stand-ups often lean on tiresome skits about flights and hotels and room service and bumping into Jeff Bezos at Davos. Bill trots the globe but, at every stop, keeps it very real, either amazed at crazy adventures like being a pallbearer at an Indonesian funeral back or finding the funny in how other cultures compare with our own, sometimes taking a self-deprecating dig at his own nerdiness (“Dutch sounds like being mugged in Klingon”) or playing the nebbish stranger in strange lands.
His musical pieces are always his highlight. One starts with an explanation of the obscure compositional technique known as Pachelbel's Canon before donning thick-lenses goggles and white gloves and activating possibly the coolest thing I’ve ever seen on a stage. Like some kind of twice-removed cousin of a theremin, a spray of floor-to-ceiling laser beams allows Bailey to pick out a techno melody from a pre-programmed instrument of his choice just by waving his hands through the neon streams of light. Then there are the small balls that respond to rubbing or slapping with loud drum beat noises. These are technically Bill’s toys but he knows that sharing is caring and, in a standout example of audience interaction, he inveigles the front row to beat out a well known jam. Yes, both are on my list to Santa but, more importantly they are a highly memorable way to slam together innovation, humour and music in a way that doesn’t feel patronising or gimmicky.
Calling Bailey a national treasure seems like people need a shovel to find his true worth. Likewise, labelling him a national institution makes him sound static and something that will always be there. He’s both and neither and, while his artistic progress may have slowed going by recent tours, Thoughtifier is an incredibly rich show which will astound and entertain fans old and new.
At Theatre Royal Haymarket until 15 February 2025
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
