This mangled mess at the delightful Rose Theatre might just as well be called Three Men and a Baby or its sequel, Three Men and a Little Lady, for all that it represents Jerome K. Jerome’s humorous, conversational, and leisurely 1889 novel that blends comedy with travel narrative. It describes a two-week boating holiday on the Thames from Kingston upon Thames to Oxford and back to Kingston. In more recent times one of the most praised things about Three Men in a Boat is how undated it appears to modern readers: the jokes have been praised as fresh and witty a century after publication. Not that you would know that from this adaptation by Al Smith, a prolific writer for stage, radio and television.

I dislike being unkind to shows, performers or creatives. My view has always been that nobody deliberately puts on a bad show, and at some point those involved must have thought there was some merit in it. But I cannot imagine what persuaded the producers at The Rose Theatre (at which I had seen their terrific panto last Christmas) to let this one go ahead.

For all the energy of the company, and I do not criticise them as being responsible for this compendium of unfunny physical comedy and jokes, some anachronistic with fourth wall breaches, the incomprehensible narrative, and forced humour this boat is holed beneath the waterline and sank with all those on board in the murky waters of Thames.

It might have been helpful to actually have three men in the boat. But one of them - Harris - is played by a woman, Bronté Barbé, for no apparent reason other than to justify one or two jokes with mild sexual innuendo. In the book Harris fancies himself hardworking and competent, but the narrator frequently portrays him as lazy, loud, and prone to creating utter commotions over simple tasks. There is no plot point in the book of Harris being engaged to be married, though in the play this seems to be the motivation of the three men to provide a pre wedding bash for him. Unfortunately Barbe’s bland performance, with a constant smile on her face does not transmit any sense of character. Sorry Bronté.

Jonny Weldon as J-or Jerome- and Richard David-Caine as George do somewhat better and between them they provide about ten minutes of decent theatre in this two and three quarter hour plod, those being when the play does a quick left turn from music hall comedy to affecting pathos as George describes being widowed. Weldon displays enthusiasm and energy beyond the call of duty but cannot save the unamusing, unhumorous, and unwitty text. I think I may have laughed twice during the show.

The lengthy potpourri of creatives involves a director, (Christopher Hayden), a movement Director and Comedy Consultant (John Nicholson), a choreographer (Simon Hardwick), a fight director and a voice and dialect coach. Go figure!

Why a choreographer? I’ll tell you. There are half a dozen pleasant enough front cloth songs sung by the company (and written by Grant Olding) inserted for no apparent reason. Personally I would have preferred more songs and less text.

The design is pretty basic (Simon Hardwick) with a dreary riverside backdrop and much use of the Rose’s revolve, to little effect.

Oh yes! I almost forgot to mention, there is J’s dog, Montmorency, a mischievous fox terrier who joins the three friends on their journey. The dog was a puppet, expressive, amusing and nicely designed and operated by Calum Donald-Bruce.

I liked the dog. I hope it didn’t sink with the human cast.

Three Men in a Boat plays at the Rose Theatre, Kingston until 10th October.

★★

Written by Stephen Gilchrist for Theatre and Tonic, September 2026.

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